"If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield
"I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though."
Elton John.
"My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects."
Les Dawson
"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
Woody Allen
"My best birth control now is to leave the lights on."
Joan Rivers
"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
Woody Allen
"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds."
Joan Rivers
"When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
Matt Groening.
"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home."
Ken Hammond.
