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Ladygenie

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PostSubject: Why do............???   Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:50 pm

men always think they never need to read instructions??

Read this ladies and chuckle and guys.....prepare to feel sympathy pains laugh5 

A genuine review for Veet for men.........

By Tenaciter -
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
I live in the countryside and watching the lambs gambol in the fields I pondered that they would need shearing soon and from there turned my thoughts to doing a little thinning of my own undergrowth. On a trip into town I saw a tube of Veet and the product description seemed ideal for my purposes. I didn't read the instructions because I'm a man.

One night, when the wife and kids were in bed, I got out the tube and applied the gel liberally to my crotch. For the first few moments I felt nothing but then after about 5.9 seconds I had a strange sense of deja-vu. You see when I was a teenager one of my younger brothers mates shot me in the head with a bow and arrow. He didn't mean to but we beat him up for it anyway. While the arrow was stuck in my head I could feel some pain but the shock kept that down. It was the thought that I'm going to have to pull this baby out which is going to magnify the pain massively that stuck with me.

As the gel started to sizzle and wisps of smoke started rising I knew that the pain I was feeling now would be as nothing compared to what was coming. It wasn't. Trying to find the words to describe it is difficult but imagine, if you can, having your scrotum industrially sandblasted from a distance of about a foot with broken glass mixed with acid and salt.

I ran outside into the cool night squealing like a stuck pig to hose down my crotch. I had no thoughts at this time of what the neighbours would think of this unholy banshee, but afterwards I heard in the nearby villages they had laughingly put it down to a family of foxes being caught in a thresher. At some point the water butt was drained and my screams went up a further few octaves into the realms beyond human hearing. Which was good for sparing my embarrassment with the neighbours, but was less good for the bats in my loft for whom the intensity of my scream proved terminal.

I wolfed down some pethidine and strong codeine tablets and was able to sleep for a few fitful hours. I dreamed there was a giant troll repeatedly trying to drop-kick my scrotum to Poland, before awaking to witness the damage done. My eyes were running with the pain, my scrotum looked like something that would be served as an hors d'oeuvre to Sauron, and my sense of smell had gone.

I later found out that the acrid fumes from my burning crotch were so pungent they cauterised my nostrils.

So overall 5 out of 5. It clearly does remove hair, and flesh, or at least that's what they say has happened when the dressings are changed.

I didn't expect to have to wear an adult nappy because of the ongoing genital weeping, and I am "off-games" for at least the rest of 2012 and possibly the whole of my adult life, but there you go.

Potential buyers might consider self-castration as a cheaper and less invasive alternative.

*Ladygenie says......ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! laughing*
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Ladygenie

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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:52 pm

lol! 

By Nick R "njrobinson2003"
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Picture the scene: a badly sunburnt, blistered and shaved Boris Johnson carries two red Space Hoppers accross the surface of Mars. This is an accurrate description of the current state of my genital region 3 weeks after a liberal application of this product. Seriously, my once proud Biggles looks more like the lone equine survivor of a fire at a donkey sanctuary.

On the positive side i can report the following unexpected benefits:
- My pain threshold has almost trebled
- I can now pass urine in 3 positions: standing, sitting and curled in a ball weeping.
- using a shammy leather and some wax I was able to polish up my ballbag enough to act as a signal for passing ships, saving me from certain starvation one time when i was stuck on a desert island.

It is due only to point 3 that this product gets 5 stars.
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Ladygenie

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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:55 pm

laugh5 

By Catweazle -
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
In truth I was quite looking forward to it, rubbing creamy gel into my private parts didn't sound unpleasant. People pay for that kind of service. So I put a dollop onto my hands, rubbed them together to warm it up and applied it to my hirsute undercarriage. I confess here, for the benefit of others, that I did apply some to parts that weren't actually hairy.

In my minds eye was a pleasant few minutes rubbing, followed by a gentle rinse in warm water from the measuring jug, with my tackle hanging over the rim of the sink as it had so many times before when being shaved. Afterwards, there would be Dave and the Twins, hairless but with none of that sharp stubble that my wife complains about.

Reality was altogether different. The first thing I noticed was that Davey's head was getting warm, then it started to swell. I made a mental note to avoid putting any here in future. There is no chance of me forgetting my mental note as within 2 minutes the warming sensation had turned to a burning pain that had me scraping as much gel off as possible with the nearest hand towel. Now it was time for the Twins to register their discomfort, by hiding as far inside my body as is possible and turning my ball-sack into a concrete bunker.

There was no hanging them over the rim of the sink now, and the pain was growing. A desperate scrubbing with a wet flanel had no effect, my tackle needed cold water and lots of it.

I filled the plastic measuring jug (the cooking type with pouring spout and measurements up the side) with cold water and dunked the boys inside, no good - couldn't get enough in, so I bent forwards and held the jug as close to my stomach as possible to prevent spillage whilst I jumped up and down to give the boys a proper slooshing.

I think I banged my head on the sink as I slipped over, it's all a bit fuzzy after that.

Anyway, the point is you must be prepared if you use this product. Don't get it onto any bits that are sensitive and make sure you have a proper methof of rinsing it all off. I give it 5 stars as it did remove all the hair and some of the pattern off the lino.
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Ladygenie

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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:59 pm

laugh5 Twisted Evil 

By Danger Mouse -
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
I told my wife that I was going to give the old jackhammer a bit of a polish and she was somewhat suspect about this.
Some deforestation if you like which needs to occur every few months.
Reduce the buffer on the muffer.
I told her I had it all in hand (This would prove to be a prophetic statement!) as I had bought some new "Stuff" that promised to let the lady see the monkey.
I decided that I would read the instructions after application as I would be waiting around for a while anyway, while it did what I now know is Satan's work.
It came with an applicator but I decided I would smear it on using my hands as I could ensure that all the nooks and crannys would be properly reached and anyways I know how the two bugs in the rug like it.
While the juice was smoothing my moose, I sat on the toilet bowl and proceeded to read down through the instructions.
The following is really a blow by blow account of the next 10 mins.

Ohhhhhhhh that's a getting a bit warm, that must be normal I assumed.
Started to feel a bit of a tingle in the Jingle, must be working now.
It's getting warmer, what the..........Creikey what's that smell?
I looked down and I started to panic, putrid smoke was rising from my nether regions.
God have mercy, I called for my wife who was ensconced downstairs to come up quickly, as I always call for her when one of my bright ideas has failed to execute.
I shouted to her to come upstairs, as my eyes were burning at this stage, I am after really doing some damage this time.
I jumped off the toilet bowl nearly taking the melted toilet seat with me and ran to the shower, I was in such a panic I taught the shower door opened out, as opposed to sliding.
I ripped the door off the hinges, all the while muttering God Oh God.......
My wife had arrived at this stage and felt it was a suitable time to ask me, what the hell happened the shower door, and all she was greeted with, was the sight of me on my knees with my rear in the air as I was frantically wiping the stuff off my frankfurter and road to nowhere with the only thing I had available at the time, which was the how to use leaflet.
The stench of melted plastic, hair, skin and linoleum was overwhelming to say the least.
With my free hand I was reaching for the shower head but alas I had not turned on the power by way of pulling a string from the ceiling which was across the room!
I'm ruined I screamed, Oh God help us, I really did it this time, it's the cream, the bloody cream it must have been faulty, a bad batch maybe!
Pull the string! The string!, what string she asks, the string on the bloody ceiling quick! Oh God.........
My hands were burning at this stage also, as I had smeared the stuff on all over using them as spatulas, and I was now frantically trying to get the stuff off by any means possible which in turn meant I was inadvertently transferring stuff to other areas of my body.
She eventually pulled the string and the shower came on as I sat in the corner of the shower whimpering like a whipped dog muttering and holding the shower head over me.
I had a head on me like a melted wellington that had been dipped in vaseline and rolled in pubic hair.

The entire area is akin to Chernobyl in that it has restricted access and the damage within the region will take a long time before natural growth will occur.
I have large areas around my body with no hair such was the flailing of hands that occurred when the burn set in, and my hands are now a mixture of red, pink and some odd white colour where I believe pigment used to be?
I would recommend you use beef flavoured paste, and a pack of rabid Dogs before you try this stuff but it really does work.
It has been a week since the episode, and to say I have flashbacks is a understatement, as I regularly wake up in a panic at night clutching at the general area.
My Toad in the hole if you will has become very nervous and is prone to withdrawing at any sudden noises such as me unzipping my trousers.
As you can imagine this has been very traumatic for me in that the very sight of mayonnaise or any cream like substance makes me retch uncontrollably.
Regarding overall cost, you may need to include the cost of replacing the damage to surrounding furniture after application.
Try it at your peril but it does work and you will feel like a new man!
5 stars and I would give it six, but that one is currently undergoing a skin graft.
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Ladygenie

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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Mon Jul 01, 2013 11:04 pm

hp2: lol! 

By Musiclover (UK) -
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Rubbed it onto my bum crack and chocolate starfish and left it for an hour. My ringpiece now resembles the leftovers of last nights kebab. I look like I've been fisted by Dumbo. Highly recommended product.
***********************

By Foxhole1971 -
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
As a reformed member of the Vietcong and survivor of numerous F4 Phantom Napalm strikes, I can say with confidence that the Yanks used the wrong ingredients for their incendiary devices.

I applied a small dab of this product onto my gentleman's sphericals and the searing pain was immediate, intense and will cause me flashbacks for the rest of my life. My poor swollen glands now have a blue hue and I fear they will never recover.

Had Colonel Kilgore and his dogs used this against my brave communist brothers we would have surrendered immediately.
******************
:march: lol! 



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Ladygenie

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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Mon Jul 01, 2013 11:06 pm

One more.......for now Twisted Evil 


By glowing orbs - See all my reviews
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Been trimming the old fizz for a while now, always grows back quick, even on a close fly by with the trimmers!
My mates in the cafe rated it, , the wife rates it, I thought it's got to be good...

Based on that I bought a tube in my lunch hour, having an easy day, so I thought, I'll pop into the site loos and prep myself, surprise the wife tonight and we could both go bare bouncing together.

I did the job, pulled up my kit and washed my hands, thought I had time to spare walking over to the onsite showers...

The onsite showers hadn't been connected yet! This left the water butt way over the other side of the site by the cement mixers...

The site accident report states: ` for some unknown reason the carpenter stripped stark bullock naked running across site, he fell into the cement footings and broke his leg, before climbing out and sitting in the water butt. Unfortunately the brick layer thought he was about to be attacked by a frenzied grey slime coloured beast and smashed his trowel down flat on top of the carpenters head, knocking him unconscious.
The ambulance arrived and because of the carpenters pleading treated the scalded clangers first!
HSE to investigate for unknown harmful toxic substance on site.'

I only remember feeling that I was running ways from a fire reaching between my legs, I don't remember the fall into cement, I don't remember landing arse first into the water butt, I do remember being lifted out of the water and screaming to be put back in.

So, use this stuff only in the bathroom, with the bath already run and your wife standing with a watering can as back up.

My maraca's took five days to settle down, the bleached skin took on the blue dye from the cement retardant in the water butt and my wife won't go down on me, because she says I look like a miniature turkeys neck and can't stop pissing herself laughing until she gets hiccups!

This stuff does do what it says and a whole lot more!
6 out of 5.
********************

I'll be back with more sometime lol! 
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stumpy



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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 02, 2013 4:26 am

he wont do that again in a hurry
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Ladygenie

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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 02, 2013 4:34 am

There's loads of guys who have not read the How To Use leaflet but reading of their experiences of using Veet gave me a good chuckle laugh5 
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stumpy



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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 02, 2013 4:41 am

i have never even heard of it, and you can bet your life i wont even go near it
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Ladygenie

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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 02, 2013 4:44 am

I should hope not after reading the reviews laugh5 
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stumpy



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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 02, 2013 4:52 am

all i can say is poor bloke, its enough to make your eyes water
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Ladygenie

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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 02, 2013 4:54 am

They're all poor blokes, all of them didn't read the leaflet lol! 
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stumpy



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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 02, 2013 4:57 am

sounds painful
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beaver12
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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 02, 2013 5:04 am

Rolling Eyes  Its not just Male's that ignore reading the warning's on label's,as i've all ready wrote in a past thread,my late wife also did not read or acknowledge the effect's some extra strong kitchen disinfectant is not the thing to put into a man's bath water,ok she ran me a bath as i was grotted up after coming of a Military Exercise bug ridden,so she thought yeah this will do and dumped it in the bath water,to cut along story short i ended up all nice and clean and bright red,and even learnt a new Dance as i hopped around the bathroom splashing cold water on my bit's and my language was a mite colourful to i my add,arr but you know what,bless her she loved me she did she said she was sorry after first wiping away the Tears of laughter,why is it a Woman will all way's find a man in pain amusing.Shocked Shocked 
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Ladygenie

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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 02, 2013 5:18 am

Oh that's easy........we're closet sadists laugh5 
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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 02, 2013 5:40 am

i always read instructions bounce 

tho sometimes i have no idea wot they are on about
emb2 
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Ladygenie

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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 02, 2013 5:44 am

No Veet for you then lol! 
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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 02, 2013 6:02 am

tried veet once will stick wiv my ladyshave bounce 
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Ladygenie

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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 02, 2013 9:27 am

laughing 
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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 02, 2013 10:13 pm

Rolling Eyes Twisted Evil  That veet has given me an idea Twisted Evil  might buy some of it and go down City Centre and smear some on a few Toilet seat's in the Gent's public Conveniences,then find myself a seat outside facing the entrance an watch for any unusual activity like men doing a audition for John Cleese's Ministry of Funny Walk's,think i may take a flask of Tea and some sandwiches i may be there awhile.hp2: hp2: whistle 
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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Wed Jul 03, 2013 5:40 am

so beaver likes lookin at men in loos? Rolling Eyes 
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stumpy



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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:56 am

the only time I never read a label, was when I was young, I worked for my dad in a fish and chip and it was Friday night, and I was going out. I got the bath ready hopped in only to find I had no shampoo, hence I ran downstairs, and I saw a shampoo bottle which was yellow, I took it for granted egg and lemon. Well I washed my hair twice in it, and thought it felt more thicker than normal, after that I didn’t give it a second thought. When I got to the disco, every one was laughing, and I hadn’t a clue why, then someone told me that my hair looked like a hedgehog, I hadn’t a clue what he meant, they had these lights that made anything white light up. When I got home I fully understood why my hair tinted in the disco light, I had washed my hair in carpet cleaner
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Ladygenie

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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 09, 2013 3:32 am

beaver12 wrote:
Rolling Eyes Twisted Evil  That veet has given me an idea Twisted Evil  might buy some of it and go down City Centre and smear some on a few Toilet seat's in the Gent's public Conveniences,then find myself a seat outside facing the entrance an watch for any unusual activity like men doing a audition for John Cleese's Ministry of Funny Walk's,think i may take a flask of Tea and some sandwiches i may be there awhile.hp2: hp2: whistle 

 laugh5
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Ladygenie

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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Tue Jul 09, 2013 3:35 am

stumpy wrote:
the only time I never read a label, was when I was young, I worked for my dad in a fish and chip and it was Friday night, and I was going out. I got the bath ready hopped in only to find I had no shampoo, hence I ran downstairs, and I saw a shampoo bottle which was yellow, I took it for granted egg and lemon. Well I washed my hair twice in it, and thought it felt more thicker than normal, after that I didn’t give it a second thought. When I got to the disco, every one was laughing, and I hadn’t a clue why, then someone told me that my hair looked like a hedgehog, I hadn’t a clue what he meant, they had these lights that made anything white light up. When I got home I fully understood why my hair tinted in the disco light, I had washed my hair in carpet cleaner


laugh5
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PostSubject: Re: Why do............???   Thu Jul 11, 2013 10:02 am

WOW!! carpet cleaner!! thats a first!! Now I have grabbed a bottle and started applying all over my arms and neck thinking it was lotion and was liquid soap!! Boy I was squeaky clean after that!! lol hp2: 
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