Nice limericks anybody

There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.

There once was a lady from Hyde,
Who ate a green apple and died,
While her lover lamented,
The apple fermented,
and made cider inside her inside.

There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.

There was an old man of Philly,
Who was hooked on the movie Free Willy.
He quit his job at the jail,
for a dolphin and whale,
And so was the life of Wee Willy.

A mouse in her room woke Miss Doud
Who was frightened and screamed very loud
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter
She sat up in bed and just meowed

There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
After the ride
She was inside,
And the smile was on the face of the tiger.

not my own, just copied and pasted

There was an old man from Purroo
had a lady but did not know what to do
he laid her on her side
just then he died
now he will never know what to do.



I just made that one up,i like it 

Little Birdie flying High
dropped a message from the sky
said a Farmer as he wiped his eye
it's a good job that  cow's dont fly.

Barbara Brown
she went down Town
to buy a pair of knicker's
she droped a fart
behind a cart
and burst open
all the stitchs.

There once was a boy from Montreal
Who loved to play basketball
For a team he tried out
But if he made it, I doubt
For you see, he was three feet tall!

There once was a lady named Lynn
Who was so uncommonly thin,
that when she assayed
to drink lemonade,
she slipped through the straw and fell in!

There once was a fellow named Jim
Who took his girl out for a spin
The speedometer rose
The gas pedal froze
They found parts of her but not him

In the day's of Old
when knights were bold
and Lavatories had not been invented
they dropped their load
in the middle of the road
and rode of quite contented. 

A kid on a skateboard named Beanie
Raced with a red Lambourgini
He ran out of luck
and into a truck
The pieces they found were quite teeny!

A senora who strolled on the Corso,
Displayed quite a lot of her torso,
A crowd soon collected,
And no one objected,
Though some were in favor of more so.

On an African safari a man named Tunney
Asked his wife, "How do we avoid cannibals, honey ?"
Said she, "When we're near their towns",
"We'll all dress as clowns",
"Then they won't eat us because we might taste funny".