Storyville

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Arthur Crane walked into the Chinese bar and laid his small suitcase on the table. He ordered a light beer and reached inside his pocket to take out his pills. This was not going to end well, he just had that feeling. Arthur looked up at the funny shaped glass clock over the bar. 8:27PM, they should be here any minute. His drink arrived and he took a large gulp then wiped his mouth, just then the door opened............

Enter the A.Team,Old School Friend's now embarking on giving their Old School Friend Aurther a well to do Stag night send of befor his iminant demise of Batchelor hood.

It wasn't to be expected though and however -what came of convulsions due to a bad batch of beer. A slippery Chinamen had been brewing his own and selling it off to local establishments passing his home brewed junk stuff as name brand.
The brew was about as awfull as it gets but it seemed premimum and appeared stout.

What was about to happen next was a revival of the old rock wars that have long since past -it may even seem a century ago.
Paul Revier and the Radiers soon arrived on the scene seeking the finnal show down with that ever notorious A team.

A round of brew for all till death do part the departed said Paul Revier.
Who the hell are you said the black man with the funny hair do wearing a teashirt with no sleeves wut said by inscription A TEAM.

I am your worst nightmare said Paul and I am the Walrus koo koo cuh choo.I am strawberry fields and I am the Iron Butterfly but you can call me the original Rolling Stone.I was there before Elvis and I am here to stay.Where ever I hang me hat is me home and yer's were never invited.

The black man with the funny hair do looked paul wearing a tea shirt with no sleeves with the inscription across'ed his chest A team said to Paul Revier and those radiers ,I give yer's an A for Af-fart on the count of wut yer say'en is noth'en but the blow back what comes of yer lousy beer yers are serv'n in this dump yers rool'en stones calls yers home ha ha ha !

Whowa pappa said Paul Revier you done insultuated me ancesstery me grandpa who set the course fer us orginal rolling stones not to be confused with those old farts wut calls themselves the rolling stones wuts only been around fer about a half century.
This Is It fer the A team and this will become the show of all shows fifty times and again.

Suddenly Doctor Hook and the Medicine Men walked through the door fallowed closely by the Animals. A guy by the name of Eric traveling with those animals proclaimed to all at the pub,this burden has been carried fer far too long but the show must go on.Wut the hell is yer problem said the black man with the funny hair do wearing a tea shirt with no sleeves with the inscription A Team across the chest.Your problem is our problem said Doctor Hook and there is nothing I can do for you. Ain't you got me milky milk in yer bag doc ? ha ha ha said the black man with the funny hair do wearing a tea shirt with no sleeves with the inscriptin A team across the chest ,yer no doc yer just a violator !

Paul Revier stood up on the bar and began giving a raving review of the utmost proclamationary urgency intrusted to the rock revival historical societies library .Paul gave the A Team a grave warning telling the A Team they are in grave danger and the best way out of it is to be on the next train to Clarksville which is leaving in morning. Miss that train and it's yers own disdain. Doctor Hook fallowed up on the proclamation by stating yers have been given the boot and that s a real hoot batter catch that train and listen to da toot toot toot.

Arthur crane opened his small case took out some pill's and looked blankly at the chinise guy behind the bar who looked equily blank back at him,Arthur said look's like your in need of a few of these to my man and so together they downed a whole bottle of said pill's then both of them looked blankly at the funny Big Black dude with the funny haire do and A.Team badge and were just lost for word's

Suddenly the pills took full effect and the chinese guy pulled out a samurai sword he robbed off from a japanese drunken sailor who refused to pay fer that cheap watered down beer the guy behind the bar was pushing. Eric the guy wut fallowed in the Animals said to the chinaman hay u kun foo u think u gonna chop chop everybody make big burden ? But the chinaman kept swinging the samurai sword ruthlessly wanting to chop off everybodies heads.
Paul Revier yanked out an old war horse he kept concealed in a safe place neatly packed in his back behind covered over by his shirt tails.
China guy Paul Revier called out-this is a fee fyi foe fum fumegator and if you don't surrender yer wepon you will become a cooked goose with no sweet and sour sauce.The chinaman broke down in tears-no sauce he said ?

Paul Revier's Raders began to clap and cheer shouting out -yer still the one Paul, yer the best there ever was. But Eric the guy wut fallowed the Animals in had reservations about that ,Eric said ya well he never visited the house of the rising sun and untill he does he ain't the best.

The black guy with the funny hair do and the tea shirt with no sleeves with the inscription across the chest A Team said hay dude with the fumeagator -put that thing away even the rats are in hiding.

But than like a sudden unexpected rain storm the door slammed open and in walked Hermin of Hermins Hermits ,I 'm here fer the chinaman wut sells off some kind of fluids that looks like beer but ain't. All me hermits is sickly now and way off the charts and I want that chinaman.
Paul Revier saw Hermin and like jumping jack flash he drew his sword.
Yers have been noth'en but a thorn in me side ever since yers morons made yers way to those charts. Hermin looked paul evier in the eye and said ,I thought yer was long ago dead like yer music .Eric who fallowed those animals in thought that was funny and agreed with Hermin .But the black guy with the funny hair do who was wearing a sleeveless tea shirt with the inscription across the chest wut says A Team said hold off there Hermin yer a hermit and hermits ain't suppos'ed to seen or heard. But I'm a super star said Hermin.

Arthur in the mean time,gazed around the room at all the antic's that were going on,and his eye's met with those of the big Black Guy with funny hair do and sleaveless tea shirt with the A.Team written across his chest He suddenly felt all weak at the knee's,and as if in a dream the two of them moved toward's one another in a kind of slow motion film,what was this feeling that seem to evellop the pair of them,soon they met in each other's arm's and the big Black Guy with the funny hairdo and sleaveless tea shirt with the A.Team writen across his chest swung Arthur around then gripped Arthur's delicate hand and said let's gtf out of here their all stark raving Nut's in here,and so unto the setting sun the pair raced and it was plain to all who wished to look that the pair were madly in and so the pair of love bird's gayly skipped off unto the setting sun with out a care in the world.

And so it seemed but the ordeal was short lived because like a hurricane enrty Elton John showed up on the scene after having heard about a strange black dude with a funny looking hair do wearing a sleeveless tea shirt with the inscription across the chest A Team.
Elton John looked Arthur square in the eye and said in a very stern loud voice Get Back Honky Cat there ain't no long and winding road fer yer to travel down because I am the road block.Excuse me Sir said Arthur but ther's a mountian of snow yer blew over without noticing ,I think yer had better back track and catch up on some of them snow drifts you miss so much ha ha ha. There was a time when I was known to hang out in dumps like this looke'n fer a little nose blow but than I discovered the shower .
Doctor Hook said yea man cleanleness keeps the gators at bay them gators like's them snow blowers.Eric the guy wut fallowed those animals in jumped up on the bar and yelled out elton you have been noth'en but a thorn in me side ever since you came out of hiding and changed yer name ,you have become quite the burden Sir and yer time has come. This Is It.

WOW!!! You guys went from 4 lines to watever the Hell really quick!! Hahahaha

Elton Blew his top well the wind blew his cyrip of his bonce but that's another story he strugled to get through that Green door but owing to him gaining afew pound's OK Stone he got jamed in so the Funny Black Guy with the funny hairdo sporting the A.Team across his chest,continued to snog Arthur in a back ally untill around the corner a stretched limmo pulled up to carry the lovebird's on their way into the Blue yonder leaving every one else in confussion.

But to Arthur's surprise the limo was Elton's and the chauffeur as it turned out is a big nasty looking x marine who hates everybody and he picked up Arthur and threw him back into the dumpy pub and he landed
on the floor behind the bar. The chinaman was furious and grabed the samurai sword he robbed of from a drunken japaneese sailor who refused to pay the chinaman fer that watered down beer he was passing off as premium brew and he began swinging that sword in every which direction threatening to cut them all for good. Elton started screaming fer his chauffeur to help him out of the doorway he were stuck in -the chauffeur said to Elton screw you and yer music sucks I quit. Doctor Hook ran over to the piano and started playing a tune that popped to mind and demanded that the house remain silent so he can work out the new song. Elton that got a gleam in his eye with his fat ass stuck in the door and said to doctor Hook ,hay-we should make some music togather -This Is It this why I came !

Somebody do something about that chinaman said Doctor Hook so Elton offered to buy out his pub by making the chinaman an offer he couldn't refuse. and to sweeten the deal Elton offered to throw in plenty of sweet and sour sauce .
The chinaman couldn't refuse the offer so he put down the samuari sword the the dump turned quiet and Doctor Hook was able to finish banging out a new song that came to mind during all the commotion.

Hermin was toung tied but those hermits were outraged,this here dump is our place if it were not fer us this dump wuldn't even be here,we made this place. The chinaman said fo yoo all my joint.
Hermin said look Hook we want in on the song rights this is our joint.
Doctor Hook said yea man turtle dee and turtle dumb yers want in on all the fun but it's me you see who's in the glee and yer's you know are out of the flow .
Elton told Hermin to flake off ther's no room on this rocket fer yers.
Eric who fallowed those animals in decided to express himself ,a little advice he picked up off from Madonna.The music rights should be a free fer all on the count of we was all here and provided the inspiration
and all the animals gave that a good harty growl.And Elton you ain't never gonna get yer fat ass out that door way unless ther's room for everybody in this brainstorm.Pual Revier raised his sword to that indicating he is in full agreement .-free from the burden said Paul ,free fer all .The red cars a comm'en.

While all this togetherness ensued in the bar,and all shakeing hand's on the song right's deal,and each offering idiea's as to the song's content and musical accomp,Arthur and the Big Black Guy with the funny hairdo and A.Team writen across his chest climbed over Elton's fat frame which blocked the doorway,they did however have to take out afew brick's to gain exit then they each looked at each other then at Elton,and both gave a sly grin shook hand's unzipped their Trouser's and faced ELTON who by this time was beside himself with happyness at the sight then to his Horror Arthur and the Big Black dude proceded to play Highest up the wall right next to Elton's large well stuck frame,they both started downing endless pint's of ale so as to stock up on ammo for their weapon's,Elton who was faceing these weapon's said that the Big Black Guy had an unfair advantage over Arthur as he could reach higher and had not so far to let rip as Arthur did,but Arthur was not put of because Arthur posessed a powerful jet stream that could have powered a motor boat to 8.knots seeing this in action Elton was in fear of his life and screamed incessently for assistence in escapeing from the doorway but every one else were to busy with the song to notice or care about Elton's predicument,so the game of Highest up the wall continued unabated,and Elton broke down with tear's streaming down his face,Har,Har said the clown who said that the jet stream's became increaseingly closer and closer,as the game reached new hight's.

Hermin reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of matchs than said there is something missing ,so he placed a match between Elton,
Arthur and the black dude with the funny hair do wearing a sleeveless tea shirt with the inscription across his chest A Team .Arthur was just about to let out a jet streme when suddenly lightning struck the door way .Arthur and the black dude were frozzen stiff as a result of the lightning strike and Elton was relived by it.Doctor Hook said yea man when lightning strikes over you. Elton cried out Holy Moses I have been received. This Is It Said Elton that's the song title" When Lightning Srtikes Over You. " Yea man said doctor Hook crank it up this is it and it's a hit .Hermin went into a frantic freenzy ,this is it he cried out ,this is me big break ,this will put me back on the charts. Paul Revier raised his sword than said ,the great music man in the sky has sent this on down for higher reasoning ,we are now on a mission.
The black guy with the funny hair do wearing a sleevless tea shirt with the inscription across his chest A Team said- yo-maybe he's pissed off up there about the chinamans watered down beer and he's senting a warning. Doctor Hook replyed, yo bro man you should have stayed in school long enough to learn how to read !
Eric the guy wut fallowed those animals in said- This Is It,it is the antidote fer the years of burdon that carried on.
We're going to have to rock them all out and send the charts far out.

Chinaman walked over to the doorway with samauri sword in hand offering Elton a deal,chinaman said me want go on tour see world u take me too or chop chop. elton said tell you what you get me out of this doorway and you can be rody but you cannot seel off yer cheap watered down beer on tour. Chinaman put on a happy smiling face than raised the samauri sword and the the force of sixteen wild horses brought the samarui sword down upon the door frame cuttin through wall and all the door nails and than he put his foot across Elton's fat ass and pushed Elton and the door cassing and all out on the sidewalk.
you need diet fatso said the chinaman.Elton picked himself up and seperated himself from the door and cassing than said the door will be replaced with a window and above the window will be the inscription when lightning strikes over you -This Is It. The pub shall be renovated and transformed into a place of 1957 where time stands still. It will a rock history hall of fame with all the appropriate furnishings .Pau Revier raised his sword to that than said that's groovy.

Arthur and the Big Black Guy in sleaveless tee shirt with the A.Team writen across it both looked dumbfounded at the scean of Elton's big fat ass breaking free from the door frame also while he was at it he was also breaking wind insessently to the music of High HO Silver lineing,they then looked at each other held hand's and skipped across the street to the Apple and plum public house and proceded to down vast qauntitie's of J.D While holding the landlord hostage at the point of the Sameri sword which the Big Black dude with A.Team writen across his tee shirt borrowed after first thumping the dude who was at that moment holding it

chinaman's father who is 88 with no teeth came out from behind a closet and chassed after the black dude with the funny hair do wearing a sleeveless tea shirt with the inscription across the chest wut says A Team and he was madder than a french hen being drenched in gear oil,and he went after that sword with a vengeance. Black dude with the funny hair do was scared shitless of the old chinaman because he looked like a voodoo zombi and black dude was afraid of being cursed. He turned over the samuari sword without hesitation.
Elton ended up with a gash on his ass and asked doctor Hook if he knows and good plastic surgeons .Doctor Hook said yea man but you got to get yer ass to him by boat and thats only if those gators let you get by.Wut kind of place is that said Elton. The finest kind of place said Doctor Hook. It's a place where poor is rich and rich is poor.

And without further ado Elton turned round and showed Dr Hook the Green door,well the frame the Green door was originaly in which now in place of the Green Door was Elton's by now Red rosey Ass so you recon then he could do some thing with this then replyed Elton most certainly said Dr Hook and he can even pick the Key Hole and get you out of there,Elton turned back around to face Dr Hook that aint no key Hole if you must know it's my Ass H###### Good lord replied Dr Hook i thought it was to big to be a Key Hole and it sure dose look well worn i was just about to add we could get a new one all together Dont be so personal said Elton sheepishly try brushing some olive oil around the side's and prise me out of hear mean while the Big Black Guy with sleaveless tee shirt with A.Team writen across it was legging over the Horizon with a chink in hot persuit waving a sword and a meat cleaver shouting that he was going to make him into a kind of peking Duck come Black pudding sausage when he catche's up with him,Arthur was watching all this going on and was Heart broken to see the love of his lift running for his life this is the end he shouted and borrowed a pistol of some bloke selling wackie,Baccie and some other thing's that looked like Asprin but he said some thing about E's or some rubbish and raised it to his head and pulled the trigger,their was a loud click,then another click,and another click,this darn pistol is no good Arthur shouted at the Bloke selling stuff on the street corner,i know he said the bullet's come at a price,well im skint now said Arthur to bad said the bloke selling pill's and other stuff on the street corner and calely took reposession of said pistol,do you know the way to a high bridge over a river which i could use to end it all said Arthur,yeah said the street vender,go about half a mile that way down the street untill you see a strip joint called friskie's there's no river but if you stick your finger up to the two dude's on the door then they will do the Bizzz for you free of charge,Thanks said Arthur and so started walking in the direction of the said strip joint.

Poor is rich and rich is poor said Eric Burdon the guy wut fallowed those animals in ,that sounds like a song title I can write a song about meself. Paul Revier raised his sword to that jesture than said ,This Is It , this it will come down on the bargining table to at least fifty shows -we will call it The revial of the fabulous old farts.That stinks said Doctor Hook and with that kind of stanking thinking ,none of it will make it;s way to the cover of the Rolling Stone.Let me make this chystal clear This is it as a revial tour has to have a name title that equals the sensational impact rock & roll itself had.
Look's like it's going to be a hard days night said Eric who fallowed those animals in. Hay said the the black dude wearing a sleeveless tea shirt with the inscription across'd the chest wut says A. Team- why not get the whole Jackson family to do the introduction -give that introduction a title too-call it Trials and Errors !

That's not it at all said Elton, thats a very bad flavor wayyyy toooo far out fer me.There is a very big difference between getting in the groove and throwing the fans down into a grind.

Yea Said Hermen and me hermits all agree in the we object and strike that motion ,as it is we have both the high road and the low road both covered ,you throw those Jackson's in the mix and that puts it all -all of this is it heading straight down the highway to hell .

This is it is not the end of it.

Chinaman is the back room fixing up a big pot of egg drop soup fer all hungry warriors.