Breaking new's

It has been reported that Britain's major city's are being invaded by hord's of Pigeon's The Primeminister speaking from 10.Downing st said he think's it's a COO

It was also reported that scientist's are trying to develope flying pig's,the Goverment say's people should stay calme but expect the price of Bacon to go up

It was reported today that at the National Libery,the Head liberian confronted an Asassin who was about to shoot his next victim as he read a book seated in the fiction section,she pointed out the sign which read Silence!!!! and made him use a Silencer

Breaking new's,it was reported today that Baked Bean's and Mushy pea's have now been taken of the Menu in the canteen within Westminster's Houses of Parliment Owing to it was deemed to be enough Hot Air all ready within the Chambers of power

Breaking New's it has been reported that a Duck mistakeing a street wet from rain for a river,crashed Beak first into a cat Police stated it was a clear case of a DUCK-BILLED-FLATAPUSS

It was reported today that a group of Taliban fighter's takeing a break from fighting and Holidaying some were in Africa with Al shebab,accidentaly fell into a crocodile infested river after the rope bridge they were crossing broke Vet's who rushed to the area say the Crocodile's should make a compleat recovery after taking a compleat rest,two of the Crocodile's how ever suffered a compleat break down and long term treatment may be required,the general public are asked to make any donation's to the R.S.P.C.A. Thank you.

A man walks into a library and asks to take out a book on suicide techniques. The librarian replies, "sod off, you wont bring it back"!

A German walks into the same library and asks to take out a book on war. The librarian replies "bugger off, you've lost two already"!

It was reported in a recent paper published yesterday that it was said that Women chatter far more than Men do,a team of 12 men conducted the survey at the Women's institute but were unable to confirm their finding's owing to not being able to get a word in edge way's

It's comfirmed then that British Women make for the Best Wife's in the entire World,the British Men folk are all Totaly Spoiled by their Women It was reported by the World Press org,that British wife's even go to the extream of Makeing Sunday Dinner's and marching down to the Pub's of Britain and slamming them infrount of their Men folk without speaking and return home again,the only Problem being is that they dont return to fetch the finished plate for washing up

Breaking New's after over fourty year's man finaly cut his toe nail's,in an exclussive interview he told our man he thought it would be a good idea to change his sock's and buy a new pair.

It was reported today that most men and women over the age of 50 year's clean their Teeth 24 hours aday Only stopping cleaning said Teeth when they go out the rest of the time their Teeth lay in a jar of Steradent in the bathroom being cleaned.

Did you hear the one about the Irish leaf sweeper?
He fell out of the tree

In the news- word has it there is a labor strike going on at the north poll and the raindeer are holding the line. Santa they say is cracking the whip .Updates will fallow as the word trickels in.

It has been reported that Chicken's are deliberatly going out to catch a cold and then enter Chinise Resterant's to obtain revenge on the chinise chef's,this out break of bird flu is causeing mass panic in China

Ah but! They could get hit back with the Asian Flu....

so forget the Cold War....we could now be seeing the Flu War

I never thought of that L.G.
a,a,a,a,Ahtishooo!!!!!Ahtishoooooo
That's it Chopstick's at dawn,man the Chicken coup's repell the Bird's nest soup Warrior's waiter there's a chink in my soup and he is sneezeing

Today a book was published of the life and time's of one of the few Jewish Kamikazi pilot's to have survived W.W.11 in which he tell's the Harrowing tale of how he survived crashing his plane into his Brother's scrap metal yard

Breaking New's,A document was discovered yesterday thought to be an unknown peice by that English play write Shakespear,after transcribeing it into recognisable modern day English it read as follows,

In Day's of Old
when knight's were bold
and Toilet's had not been
invented,
they dropped a load
in the middle of the road
and rode of quite
contented.

it is said that this find is of great inportance,for it's depiction of life in Merry Old England as was viewed during the play write's time.

Breaking new's the M.O.D. Today comfermed that during a party thrown for a retireing Officer from Bomb Dispossal,confussion over a request to By an N.C.O. to a Pte Soldier to Blowup the Balloon's was very nearly carried out,it was then confermed that the pte Soldier had no grievence toward's said Officer

It was reported today that an over vellous Trafic police officer was reprimanded for issueing a speeding ticket to a snail traveling on the wrong side of a road at 30 m.p.h in a 20 m.p.h speed zone It was pointed out to him that just because it was climbing along on the steering wheel of the car involved dose not mean it was driving.